What am I and who am I?

Well, I like to think of myself as smart, intelligent, and knowledgeable. I like to play around on the computer, I like to drive, eat out with friends, and things like that. I think these are good qualities I possess that make me interesting and a fun guy to be around. I also would like to think that part of that is that I am also like to be that friend known for being extremely reliable and when others don't live up to the same standard I end up hurt or bothered.

Case in point-
Family- I always do so many things like the dishes without being asked and I am always thinking ahead and tackling tasks that need to be done. When people like my dad or mom slack on an issue I become bothered and angered.

Friends-

My friend Steve called 2 weeks ago at 11:30p.m. Thursday night. I was pissy because someone just woke me up, and with myself, sleep is hard to come by. I heard him out and found out his mom was just in a car accident. Without hesitation I drove to Riverside General Hospital and sat by his side until 3:45a.m. comforting him. I would like to think that it is because we are close and good friends there for each other, that I did that. I would want him there if I called him at 11:30p.m. with a problem like that.

Let's discuss one friend whom is one of my best friends. His friendship means the world to me, yet there are 2 issues right now I'm having to iron out with him. I hate to touch it and talk about it because I'm worried that it will hurt our friendship despite the fact our friendship has been through a lot.

One of the issues will go unmentioned. One will be mentioned. I have pet sat for this friend several times. The first time it was for free. The following times he paid me $50-100 depending on how many nights. He would only ask that I feed the dog and make sure he is ok. I did that. I would often do other things like the dishes in the sink and minor tidying up because I'd become bored. That is not meant to exalt me in this discussion where I'm slamming him. It is more to talk about issues leading up to this. I pet sat for him for a night at the end of August. He gave me a supposed $50 American Express gift card that only had $0.23 on it. I tried to use it the night he gave it to me at Starbucks only to have it declined and it wasn't until I was at Express the other day did I discover that. I feel cheated- and I guess adding insult to injury this is at a time when I feel cheated monetarily by other people. I did call and tell him about it and he said he will definitely pay me for that.

A few weeks back I pet sat for 2 nights for him and he promised there would be plenty of food. There was pasta in the fridge and then the morning he was coming back he told me that the money was in a sock drawer to pay me for pet sitting that weekend. Keep in mind I could have used the money because of a few unseen events earlier that weekend. I felt a little gipped and used. He said he would take me out to dinner to thank me, and did he? No. He did tell me how of course I'm that super ultra reliable friend that he can always count on.

He told me Saturday morning after he had a difficult Halloween because of the friends he had over that he was also having problems with. He's always so glad I'm there for him. I get that. I'm always there for him. I'm very reliable.

Now, I know he is going to be asking me to pet sit either this month or next month and I like to do it because I like his dog, it is a nice getaway for a night. The problem is however that I don't feel like it. I feel a little used for my services from the last time. I feel like I didn't get a proper thank you, and no, I don't think I did; even though I was hard to deal with because of issues that were going on with me. I want so bad to say "sorry, I feel used and like I never get a proper thank you. You always go on these trips and get to go to all of these places with friends, yet I seem like the guy, the friend, the ultra reliable one, who is always being used, and always there when someone is in need who is never invited along." When has he asked me to go to Vegas with him? What about go to Phoenix or another place? He seems to have no shortage of other friends to ask to go with him. I am pretty sure he'll be asking me shortly, and I'm worried, yet hoping that I don't let it slip or I can in a nice way say that I don't think that I want to pet sit. And my no would be out of spite and I'm probably say why. Sharp tongue would be getting me in trouble there. Yike.

I had 2 issues in the past week. One was a monetary one (don't worry- I just couldn't use my ATM, but credit would have worked, had the place had a credit terminal). I call him because he lives close by, however, he doesn't offer to come help me. You know what? I have issues there and I'm about to let them be known. I don't feel like I ask for a lot, but I'm always reliable, and you know what? I expect friends to be too- that means being there for me in a time of need.

I just hope my mouth doesn't get ahead of me and I say too much before I think about what I'm saying. I just hope my feeling used/taken advantage of doesn't cost me too much friendship-wise. I truly would be devastated to lose this guy. I just feel/know it is wrong deep down when it is bothering me so much.

Being compensated

Money is a sensitive subject I know, which is why I haven't brought the issue up to my dad or mom. I am just in the planning stages and thinking this idea out, which is why I'm blogging about it. It is one of my "deep thoughts..." that needs a solution.

I sometimes get gas for my car 1-2 times a week. It is no secret that my parents pay for my gas because of all I do for them. The thing is though, I always have to wait for my dad's ATM card or him to go with me to get gas. Sometimes that means waiting until 8p.m. Wednesday night.

My parents don't make me pay a cent- the money I make from work is being put toward several things. Money for a car, money for a house, and spending money when I go out with friends (3-4 nights a week lately). My parents buy my clothes, don't make me pay rent, and I get $20 a week for lunch money; which is why I feel awkward asking for this or breaching this subject as I don't want to appear too greedy or like I am asking for too much.

I often run errands for my parents. Last night my dad called when I was at Borders asking me to bring home butter, paper cups, trash bags, and jelly. That was around $30 and it will be sometime next month when I'm reimbursed because my dad always insists on waiting until the beginning of the month to pay me because him and my mom only get paid once a month. I am already owed $20 for another trip to the store earlier this month and $50 for an unexpected gas fill up on January 6. Part of the reason I am never paid back until long after the event has passed is because my parents don't keep copious amounts of cash on them. To be reimbursed will mean me hounding my dad, asking to be reimbursed, demanding a check, and me having to go to the bank to deposit it. It isn't the easiest thing to corral him into paying.

I would like 1 of 3 things. The first to have my parents transfer in a predetermined amount to my checking account each month for me- say $150 to $200. That way I don't have to spend any of my money to pay for things like the unexpected gas trip when I am low and I don't have dad's ATM, or can't go to the gas station with him. The money will cover things like when dad needs me to run to the store for groceries. The money could be used for my many gas trips that I already make with my dad so I am not having to wait on him to go get gas and inconveniencing him.

The second would be to have access to my parents bank account via an ATM card. Let me calm your fears and say I am responsible and would only buy things I need like gas, groceries when my dad asks, and things like that. I see where this is controversial because they have significantly more in their bank account than I do and some may think I would run wild. Secondly, if the card were lost or stolen it would be a risk- I've never lost my ATM or credit card. However having an extra ATM card around increases the possibility. I don't completely embrace this idea either since there is pressure of having a lot of money in my pocket and the thought of carrying around another card.

The third option would be to have my parents write me a check monthly and I deposit it into my account- in essence the first option, but without the work on my parent's end. It may be a little extra hassle for them to write me a check at the beginning of the month and me to deposit it, but I could see this becoming more routine and would alleviate the need for me to hound my dad to go to the gas station.

I am not sure how to approach this subject with my parents because money is a sensitive issue. How do I approach this? I can't really think of a good time other than maybe sitting down at dinner saying I spent _X_ for _X_ and it took a toll on my bank account, then I didn't have enough money for _X_. I don't feel comfortable talking to my dad about this when we're alone in the car. I don't feel comfortable talking with him about this at all since he is less receptive to parting with money than my mom. Until recently he wouldn't let me have his ATM card for 10 minutes to run up to the gas station, whereas my mom has let me have hers for this for years. My mom would probably support any of the three.

I feel bad in doing this because my parents do so much and to me this makes me sound greedy. I think it is a good solution however because it won't mean me spending my money to pay for things my parents have agreed to pay for. I am not asking for additional money from my parents, just to cover things they already pay for.

2 incredible opportunities

I want some advice- I've thought about it and am at a crossroads.

I interviewed last spring for an internship with a high ranking state official with a lot of power in Washington. I got the internship. If I could get a letter of recommendation with their name on it, I'd be set I think. It would mainly be doing office stuff- helping around the office, writing letters, responding to citizens in the area about problems they are having.

So why take this internship and why to not? The name of the official on a letter of recommendation for me... closer to home... 30 minutes away as opposed to an hour with the one below. The office seems really uptight and not so laid back. If I want to go into government, public relations, etc. this is a good start.

I interviewed at the beginning of this month for an internship with a newspaper. It sounds like an incredible experience because I can get experience working at a newspaper, have my name PUBLISHED, learning to shoot, report, and write stories working with reporters. Getting to go in the field and interview.

So why take this internship and why not? Great experiences working at a newspaper, which would help if I do end up pursuing journalism. The downside is that I'd be commuting 60 miles each week 2 days a week and it is an hour away. The position is basically an entry level reporter- not a beat reporter. I would be doing community pieces- interviewing various figures in the community like sports person of the week and get to cover news stories.

Both would be 10-12 hours a week and both would be unpaid.

I need to make a decision TODAY. School starts Thursday and I'm going to have to run around and take care of all the paperwork in the coming days.

Making Hot pockets

Do you ever wonder what would happen if you didn't use that special covering when making a Hot Pocket? Would it not turn out right? Would it not cook? What would happen? I am going to be daring and try...

and so I tried... and it cooks. I sort of figured it would. But it doesn't cook up like I like them. It came out of the microwave with a more moist crust. I like my crust to have a little crisp though, so I tend to cook the Hot Pockets an extra 20-30 seconds and now I know that it can only be done with the annoying cover the Hot Pockets come with. Now I know.